Glutton Forum

Yes, I have a beer bong article listed in the 'Drinking Glasses' section.  I consider a drinking glass to be any container designed for consuming liquids.  Beer bongs are definitely designed for consumption...very quick, buzz promoting consumption.  I fell in love with the beer bong in 10th grade.  I tried one out at a party, and haven't looked back since.  I'm now 27 with a daughter, a wife, and a house, and I'll still funnel a beer if given the chance.  Taking a brew to the dome in less tan two seconds really leaves you feeling like you accomplished something.  Sipping just doesn't give me that proud, ice cold feeling.

A lot of people are intimidated by these wondrous funnels, and refuse to bong beer.  If you're one of these people, mam or mister, you're missing out.  You can't die without bonging a beer.  I'm just not going to let you.  Here's what we'll do - I'll give you some instructions on making a beer bong, you go out, buy some cheap supplies and a case of beer, you'll come back, put it all together and have a real good time.  You with me?  No?  Well, I'm gonna tell you how to make one anyway.

• First, go to a hardware store and find the plumbing section
• Find some plastic tubing that has a diameter small enough to wrap your mouth around
• Get yourself a funnel that has a spout small enough to snuggly fit inside the tube.
• Grab a clerk and have him cut you two pieces - one about 1', and the other about 4'.
• Pick up two cheap clamps and a valve that fit the tubing you've chosen.
• Make a run to the beer-thru and pick up a few cold ones.  Personally, if my wallet allows it, I like bonging Guinness beer.  I know it sounds crazy - some may even consider it sinful - but its low carbonation and smooth finish makes it very easy to take down.  In the interest of personal finance, most folks tend to go with light domestic lagers.
• Plug the funnel spout into one end of the shorter tubing
• Put the small tubing into one end of the valve, and the large piece into the other
• Use the clamps on both sides to securely fasten the connection, and you're done

The valves allow an easier, more controlled pour.  After you've made the pour, and you're ready to rock, just put the tube in your mouth, flip the valve to open the beer bong, and swallow as fast as you can.  Don't worry, it will all be over in a matter of seconds.

The model we just made is considered to be fairly basic.  If you're serious about this, there are some beer bongs on the market that are marvels of engineering.  Back in 2007 at Beer Gardens in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, a bunch of college kids finished an entire keg in a matter of seconds with a 100 person beer bong.  This is taking funneling to a Nobel prize winning level.  I realize a lot of you folks aren't going to be reproducing such incredible masterpieces.  No worries, there are some decent vendors online who sell multi person bongs, or you can use the same principles I showed you above to take it to the next level, and build a 12 man beer bong for your kid's next birthday party.  Send me an invitation.

If you don't want to share with anyone, but you still want to make a funneling spectacle, consider creating a 2 story beer bong.  If you think you can handle a multi story funnel, it's still best to use a little bit of caution.  I actually did one in my younger days with a 40 oz.  Being on the business end of one of these suckers is literally like trying to drink from a fire hose.  I'd recommend working your way up to something like this.

There ya have it.  All the beer bong goodness you could ask for.  I should say before I close, drink responsibly...but I won't