Glutton Forum

Alcoholism is a serious disease, and though it has the profound ability to affect everyone, not everyone who drinks is necessarily an alcoholic.  Alcoholism is a tough monster to kill.  One of its most prominently distinguishing features is the tormenting physical withdrawal an alcoholic suffers when he makes the noble attempt to cease using the drug.  Alcohol detox is the first step toward recovery, and considering alcohol is the only drug whose withdrawal symptoms can actually kill the addict, it is also perhaps the most difficult step.  The logic almost seems backwards; to think that the act of quitting a drug has actually yielded a significant mortality rate.

No, I didn't mean Cristal champagne.  I titled this post Crystal champagne intentionally.  Anyone who's ever listened to a hip hop song has heard of Cristal, the wildly luxurious champagne that gets its namesake from the lead crystal bottles it's produced in.  The stuff is freakin' expensive - anywhere in the range of $175 to upwards $3,000 a bottle.  Lucky for the rappers who have a taste for this breed of bubbly, most of them can afford it (or at least the producers who let them drink it in the videos can).  Cristal is top notch, so I'm told, but hip hop moguls like Biggie, Puffy, and Jay Z have blown it up to superstar status.  Come to think of it, it's mainly the East Coast rappers making the common man think he needs to spend $100 on a drink.  $100 worth of Cristal wouldn't even be enough to stick a guy my size with a DUI.  West Coast rappers make it easy for us.  They have a grasp on what the common man can afford.  That's why Ice Cube used to promote St. Ides malt liquor - he knew the haps on the craps.

So you’ve had all the vodka drinks in the book.  You think you’re pretty cool, eh?  Well, you should.  You are pretty cool – and considering that according to drinkmixer.com, there are well over 1500 different vodka drink recipes, you’re also pretty darn drunk.  

What’s up with the world’s crazy affinity for vodka?  It’s essentially just rotten potato juice created by a bunch of fun loving 15th century Poles.  I’ll tell you what’s up.  I don’t know the science behind it, but I do know that that fermented potato piss makes one of the most versatile drink ingredients on the planet.  Did you know that there are more mixed vodka drinks on record than those made with milk, grape juice, soy, root beer, coke, bull semen and goji juice combined?  And to boot, you can make vodka mixed drinks with each one of these ingredients!