I read a book this weekend.  It was titled, "The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts" by Shinta Cho.  It's written in the same spirit as the classic, "Everybody Poops" except it came across as a bit more insightful than every page simply stating, "people fart, bugs fart, dogs fart, Atheists fart...".  It had, as necessary, good material like the aforementioned, but it also offered something more.

It gave me the layman breakdown of what's really going on with all of those little treasures we expel on a daily basis.  One segment of this book noted that every fart is the product of something like three and a half ounces of intestinal gas.  Based on that figure, it said that the average human produces around 17 fluid ounces worth of farts per day (I must be superhuman because I produce nearly 17 oz of just plain wet ass every day, not including the gas factor).  

With this in mind, it made me wonder - Could one with the required resources and skills isolate the farts and condense them back into liquid form...like making moonshine?  I think that they could, and I want some concentrated fart juice!  I need a scientist *echoing* a scientist...a scientist..!   

Introducing MF Doom (aka King Geedorah, Metal Fingers,  Dangerdoom,  Vic Vaughn, Vaudeville Villain...) and his late 04' release, "Mm...Food?".  The mad villain may be a stranger to many of you.  For the folks that like the deep hiphop cuts, or even watch Adult Swim on a regular basis, you probably already have a thick appreciation for Doom, a renaissance man who has a sickly original approach to both the mic, and the wheels. 

If you've heard him, keep listening.  If you haven't, he styles like Kool Keith (Doctor Octagon, Black Elvis...), but in my opinion, a notch above...feel free to flame me on that one.  If you hate all that is hiphop, especially good hiphop, this isn't for you.  Maybe I'll spotlight Cannibal Corpse in my next article.

This wax, "Mm...Food?", speaks with a loving tongue to us gents here at Gluttonforum.com.   Not only are the beats, as dangerously expected, fantastic, but the album is dedicated almost entirely to cuisine.  A few of the tracks are strictly instrumental, which is something that Doom has perfected anyway.  For those who need a flow, check out cuts like "Kookies" and "Rap Snitch Knishes" with Mr. Fantastic.  Anyway, the ranting ends here.

The CD carries a tag of around $40 on Amazon.  If you've never listened to MF Doom, I wouldn't expect you to run out and drop that much on it.  What you do need to do, however, is find a way to check it out.  You're using the internet.  Be resourceful.

Introducing the Hyper Viper.  In the spirit of the Brass Monkey, the Hyper Viper is a concoction made with one 40oz bottle of King Cobra Malt Liquor and one 16oz can of Sparks malt "energy drink".  Start by downing the Cobra at your own pace.  I like to take my time and enjoy the flavor.  When you get down to the bar code, pop the Sparks and pour the contents into the remaining 40.  Do this slowly.  As you can see in the video, I am an ass, who failed to take this precaution.

Let the foam die down and enjoy.  Considering the two drinks you're mixing, the taste isn't all bad.  It provides a phenomenal buzz value.  Even after I vomited up just a dash of it in my in-laws' sink, I still felt pretty nice.  Dave, you ask, "what's your favorite aspect of this fine beverage?".  The answer; this drink'll only break ya $3.07 (in Columbus, OH anyway).  Alcoholically speaking, the Hyper Viper is about the equivalent of eight Natty Lights (Natural Light, thanks).  Bottoms up, and drink responsibly.  Video  

The folks here at Gluttonforum know something about you.  They know that since you can remember, you've been beating your brain up trying to decide who would win in a fight...Orange Drink or Purple Stuff.  Unfortunately, no one's ever been able to catch them together in the wild, until now.  Watch them duke it out in the following video .   Enjoy as bloodshed, vomit, and diabetes are flung around like an unmerciful beating of Wilford Brimley.

The drink that's sweeping a small part of Columbus, OH, the Richard Dawson.  Four parts of your favorite rootbeer, and one part vodka equals a drink that will make you want to grope all of the women in your family.  Although there aren't really any direct ties between Richard Dawson and rootbeer, it's a hell of a drink, and Richard Dawson, goes without saying, is one fine man.  They deserve eachother, and you deserve to run to your neighborhood dive and demand this fantastic drink!

This is the one beverage, to my knowledge, that is constantly mistaken for taking it's own life, when really it's alive and well, not killing itself somewhere out in California.  Wait...what?  Richard Dawson doesn't deserve to have a drink named after him?  Oh, my friend, name another classic gameshow host who co-starred as the villain in a critically acclaimed Arnold film.  Name any other man on this planet who could make you feel ok about watching him make love to your wife.  Oh...What?  You, you can't think of anyone.  Well, I'm sure not going to call this drink Ray Combs, may he rest in peace.  You're right, Richard Karn is a strong candidate to have a drink named after him, but not this one.  

That's four parts rootbeer, one part vodka, 10 parts shannanigans!  Bottoms up.  Drink responsibly.

The following is a list of gluttonous challenges that I have compiled.  Some aren't so bad.  Others, I couldn't imagine attempting.  If you have any additions, especially video proof, please let us know!  GluttonForum.com does not support any of this activity, and does not take any responsibility for anything that happens to your dumb ass.

1. Gallon of milk in one hour.  I saw a ferocious beast do this in 41 SECONDS on College Humor , but I've never seen a human being do it anywhere near that fast.
2. Subway Party Sub in one sitting.
3. Wendy's Grand Slam- Load the bases...Single, Double, Triple, and a Quad Stack.  I have a feeling you'd be pissing lard for a while.
4. Three Chipotle Burritos in a sitting. 
   
5. White Castle Crave Case (30 sliders) in one sitting.  More lard pissing.
6. Double Cannon Ball- In one swoop, chug a beer, take a "tobacco water pipe" rip and slam another beer, then pass out and piss and shit yourself.
7. Take a shot of Tequila through your nose...Make that well Tequila
8. Take a shot of Tabasco.
9. Toot a line of chili pepper.
10. Smoke a fist-full of 20 cigarettes.
    
11. Taco Bell Grande Meal in 10 minutes.

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